My mind has been full and swimming with thoughts that i cannot suppress.
How to overcome what seems to be insurmountable if the reason and the consciousness do not want to forget? How to stop the feeling, the suffering, the weeping? Since, it would seem that inevitably we are losing the mind. It is not possible to tolerate so much pain.
Everything turns to desperation, agony: A cry of the soul, who is distressed and cries, experiences fear, desperation, abandonment, misery and pain, time and time again, in an uncontrollable way. What to do then when facing what is irremediable?
Perhaps the most pronounced of all of those feelings.. The Grief I can’t explain.. Grief that drives me between tears and anger. Grief that blinds me and makes me angry at God.. To grief is to begin to accept a significant loss. To work through the intense pain of loss.
I have found myself grieving several times this week. And now I find myself again grieving this.. It’s an aching grief this time. Like a cold that you can’t shake.. No matter how many blankets you pile on..
I can’t seem to let go of it. I want to be free from this depression and from this horrible, tormenting mind. I have no enthusiasm for life and no energy to give to others. I know all of this, yet, what should I do? I don’t know how to “just have faith” or to “believe in myself” anymore. I used to. Now I just feel bitter and angry, but nobody wants to hear about that. I really want to change and I don’t know how.
I am tired, and going to bed. But I wanted to “spill” a little.. Thanks for reading
